Living Life Contemplatively

Safe! Relaxed! Held!

2011-06-01T12:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday as I met with my spiritual director I experienced a profound movement of Divine Love. Surprisingly, as I explored and prayed the sadness of my dad's deteriorating health and nursing home experience, I felt deeply moved and held in God's care.

The nursing home attendants use a special lift to get my dad from the bed to the chair and the chair to the bed. As I watch this maneuver I see that it requires a significant amount of trust...trust in the machine AND the persons operating it. Literally, my dad moves through the air supported by a sling and is gently lowered and placed in bed or chair. I observe the terror on his face as he moves suspended in mid air. I lovingly and gently reassure him: "Daddy, just fold your arms across your chest. Relax. Let the sling move and hold you. YOU ARE SAFE!!! They know what they are doing. They won't drop you!!!"

In a moment of spiritual clarity and consolation I felt as though Divine Love was that "lift machine" for me!! I felt invited to trust the strong, tender "sling" of Love to hold me (and my family) at this time. I sensed the very words I speak to my dad given to me. "Just fold your arms; relax; let Me move and hold you; you are safe; you won't be dropped!!!"

I felt strengthened and my trust deepened. I renewed my desire to lean into hope-filled living. I don't want to avoid or turn away from this difficult life experience. I'll move through these days of uncertainty...safe...relaxed...held. This "graced reassurance" is for me, too!!!!!

Inspired by an obituary!

2011-05-13T17:04:00.000-07:00

Have you ever loved a person you've not met by reading their obituary?! This morning at breakfast, while reading the obituaries (a practice steeped in my family of origin) I fell in love with the deceased woman. In fact, I thought about what was said about her life at numerous moments in my day.

"Her unselfconscious aptitude, quiet intelligence, playful sense of humor and earnest compassion won her friends around the world...She was blessed to do the work she loved...In all her professional and academic success, she never lost sight of the things that she loved and that made her happy...she loved to travel...she loved the sea...she also found solace in the west, especially the Grand Tetons--to paraphrase Wallace Stegner, the largeness and the clarity took the scales from her eyes...She loved animals. While she loved all of God's creatures, great and small, she had a special affinity for terriers. There were very few points in her life whe she did not have a funny, devoted and occassionally bizarre little dog as her companion...She was a voracious reader...She loved gadgets; from smart phones to e-readers and laptops, she never outgrew the simple joy of a new toy....Most of all she loved her family. She was their greatest advocate, supporter and friend. To the very end of her time on earth, she maintained a glowing sense of humor and an easy grace that many never achieve at the height of their health...she died while being held by her loved ones; her last words were "I love you."

I'll just mention that this woman was an Episcopal priest, a first woman president of the Warden College of Preachers at the Washington National Cathedral... and a lenghty list chronicled numerous other ways she served the world.

What a way to live!!What a BIG "yes" to life!!

Cairns

2011-04-17T16:26:00.000-07:00

These are two of several cairns erected in my church sanctuary during Lent.

I recently created a cairn of my own for a class I teach. Several persons were unfamiliar with cairns.

A cairn is a mound of stones piled up as a memorial or a marker. I have most often seen them marking hiking trails. Several times I have created cairns to mark a place outdoors where something moved me profoundly and it seemed I encountered Holy Mystery. I consider my journal a place where I erect cairns of words that also "mark" small and large movements of Spirit in my life.

One dark night cairns marked the treacherous path across a black lava field. Small beams of light from my flashlight found the next cairn and the next cairn... and slowly the path revealed itself.

"Wise pilgrims we, as we bless the cairn

bless the sometimes broken

sometimes silken path

we call our lives..." (Jennifer Hoffman)

Build a cairn to mark a special moment!

Look for cairns guiding your life!

The Mango

2011-04-14T12:22:00.001-07:00

The picture to go with the mango post!

Mangos...and Questions About Food

2011-04-14T12:11:00.000-07:00

Today I bought fresh mangos! I sank my teeth into the most delicious, sweet, drippy mango...from Guatemala!!!!! I enjoyed every bit of the mango...but, I wondered IF the farmer had received her or his fair wage for all the work in raising the mango. I thought about all the fuel/energy used to get the mango to the Costco in Lancaster, PA, where I bought it. I wish I could grow mangos in my back yard...then, I wouldn't have to think about such things. Meanwhile, I'm really grateful for a ripe, juicy mango...and I think it's a good thing to wonder about the origin of our food!!!! (I looked it up - plural mango can be spelled two ways!)

Sticking my neck out!!

2011-04-13T08:40:00.000-07:00

Today I'm sticking my neck out by posting my blogsite on facebook! Even as I type this I feel a tightening in my throat! Am I ready for this?!

I've been inspired by how much I love reading the blogs of others! So, I'll just add a few lines now and then and see what happens.

One Starfish At A Time!

2011-04-12T16:34:00.000-07:00

I'm always moved by the story of the guy who very early in the morning before the townspeople got to the beach to gather starfish for commercial killing would walk the beach and gather one starfish at a time and hurl it back into the ocean as far as he could throw! The weather didn't matter. He faithfully executed his "mission of mercy" day after day! No action is too small or inconsequential. It matters for the one! Each one doing their small part contributes to the good of the whole. (By the way, I threw this one back into the Atlantic Ocean!...with a firm commitment to a "yes!!!" for hope-filled living!) I read this little starfish story again today in a book called The Promise of Paradox - A Celebration of Contradictions in the Christian Life by Parker Palmer.

Accepting Errors!

2011-04-10T13:50:00.000-07:00

Already I see a gramatical error in one of my posts this afternoon. This is very hard for me!! I'd have to delete the whole post to correct it...so, I decided I'd simply acknowledge that the wrong use of "than" bothers me, but not enough to delete the whole post. Good practice for me to accept imperfections.

Experiment with photos in blogs

2011-04-10T13:19:00.000-07:00

Okay...got my first photo uploaded.

This is the love of my life and me on the island of Bartolome in the Galapagos Islands off the coast of Ecuador.

And this is me enjoying quiet moments with sea lions on a serene beach.

Okay...got my second photo uploaded.

Think I'll call it a day!!

To Blog or Not to Blog??

2011-04-10T04:14:00.000-07:00

I can't decide. Do I want to write a blog? It's been several years since I created this one. Do people really have time to read these things? Do people want to read blogs? I really enjoy the window into the person's experience that a blog offers. Recently I've been delighted to read my daughter's blog and see the pictures she posts and the creative writing she offers. And, I LOVE reading the blogs of several of my nieces. It makes me feel close to them. So, I think I'll just write something today...and not put any expectations on myself.

Today's Christian Education hour at my church gave me a lot to ponder! I've been wondering...in fact, it seems it could actually be a little nudge...to consider what sort of community involvement I might be drawn to. Today, I could imagine myself becoming part of a "circle of support and accountability" for sexual offenders released from prison. I want to offer something that links to my commitment to "hope-filled" living...and if just one person is spared another prison sentence and comes to live life more abundantly...than, that is worth it. It's the "it matters to the one star fish thrown back into the ocean" idea. I especially like blogs with photos and I have no clue at this moment how to do that...so my next blog might be an experiment with a photo!

2007-08-12T16:33:00.000-07:00

I just returned from a five day silent retreat. I was the spiritual director/companion for 5 of the retreatants, meeting with them at least once a day. We reflected on their life experience, their prayer, their deep longings for God, their struggles, and most of all, God's unfathomable love and deep desire for them.
I wonder how our world might be different if people slowed down, took time to notice God's activity in their own life and experience. What would it be like if people actually came to know in their hearts, (not just in their heads) that God really LOVES them??!!

2007-08-12T16:21:00.000-07:00

Today as I left my church in the city I walked past a sign posted at the church on the opposite corner from my church..."If you think it's hot here. God"

What kind of announcement is that?! What kind of God does that church serve?
Why would anyone wish to explore faith with people who try to reach others with "God threats."

I wanted to post this sign: -- "You are LOVED. God"

A peek into contemplative living

2007-07-17T13:22:00.000-07:00

"Contemplation is the awakening to the presence of God in the human heart and in the universe which is around us. Contemplation is knowledge by love." Bede Griffiths

"Contemplative living is a way of listening and responding to our everyday experiences by consciously attending to our relationships with self, others, God, and all of nature. The goal of contemplative living is not merely the personal fulfillment of those who pursue it. Its ultimate goal is a global society that is profoundly just and at peace, as God intended it to be." Bridges

First of all, living contemplatively...BEING is counter cultural and I did not grow up for an appreciation for anything other than DOING...and most things I DID well. Doing things well was part of my core identity.

In the last fifteen years I've been slowly coming to value another way of living...being present in the moment, and living prayerfully, reflectively, and non-compulsively. All of this is held in a profound awareness of transformation in terms of my relationship with God. In formative years I was told of a God who loved me because of the things I did. And, God had very high expectations, as did I!

Approximately 15 years ago I began to attend "retreats," and also at that exact time began to be intrigued by the writings and prayer of Julian of Norwich. I began to befriend the time away from the demands of life and ministry. (Being on a pastoral team was extremely energizing and wonderful, but eventually I let myself be "all consumed" by those responsibilities.) Slowly, slowly, God's profound Love began to touch my core being and I began to see that God desired ME and not only what I did! I came to love silence and the spaciousness of retreats...time to BE! Of course, I couldn't stay "on retreat" so I began to discover how I might live the contemplative life in real life!

Here are a few things that matter to me:
I must have periods of silence each day for nurture and equanimity.
I refuse the allurement of a busy schedule. I've learned to say "no" to things that are not really for me.
Another way to say it...I aim to be selective in choosing activities...being free not to say "yes" to things that other people think I should/could do.
I usually only permit one night a week, at most! away from home.
I rarely take a phone call after nine p.m.

Living mindfully helps me stay centered...peeling carrots, making a salad, doing the laundry, making the bed, preparing for the work I do with Kairos, etc. have become spiritual practices, not just work to be done.
I avoid noise when possible. I do not have the radio or TV on continuously. When at home, I often eat my lunch in silence, prayerfully, enjoying and savoring flavor and texture.
Living gratefully feels like a partner to contemplative living.
I have several persons who I consider to be companions and with whom I share my journey. This helps keep me honest.
A few simple spiritual practices such as centering prayer, and meditation, and spiritual reading help me to live true.
I journal and see a spiritual director regularly.
Walking in a relaxed manner, releasing tension in my step, smiling for no reason...
I love beauty and experience the Divine often through nature. Taking moments to contemplate the sunrise or the sunset each day keep me centered. Watching for small things, small gifts, small delights inspire me.

I keep a close eye on my inner landscape and notice when I'm "out of sorts." Such times call for prayerful realignment of my spirit with the Divine and Her deep desires for me!
I am repulsed by drivenness and harried living.
I schedule time for extended silence.
(Last year I experienced the Ignatius Spiritual Exercises in four 8-day silent retreats. This has had a profound impact on me.)
My deep longing is to live, really live life...to be present to what is, accept and befriend this moment.
My life feels like a prayer. I am in touch with God's heart for our beautiful and hurting world...and I think it was Mother Teresa who said, "instead of cursing the darkness, light a candle!" YES to that!! There's plenty of darkness to curse, but there's no shortage of candles, and I want to be a bearer of the light!!

Holding the deep hurts of our world alongside of laughter, humor, and joy is a delicate balance. I do not mean to portray something somber as I write these reflections. When I notice small things and simple beauty, it helps to balance all the sadness of the world. I know that part of my calling and life purpose is to help hold the world's pain. This calls for extra self care as well. And, there's a plenty of celebrating to be done, too!!

So, I hope you are getting the picture that I actually aim to live life at a slower, more relaxed pace. I avoid packing my schedule full. I allow more time between things. I don't like to rush or hurry. This IS an ongoing spiritual practice. Some weeks I do it well, other weeks, everything is struggle!

But deep in my heart there is this place of "knowing" that I am called to live, to model if you will, a way of life that counters the frenetic pace of our culture. I am blessed to share my life with a spouse who also supports and values this way of living.

I hope that I am living a balance of contemplation and action! No magic formulas. No simple answers. Just living the questions, living true to myself and each moment I am given. No sense of "arrival" but a clarifying sense of what really matters to me!!

I feel as though I am slowly being awakened to the presence of the Divine and to my deepest reason for being.